Behavioral Health » Military Leaders » Child/Adolescent » Parenting

Frequently Asked Questions About Parenting

Q: What are the different types of parenting styles?

A: Parenting style refers to the differences in how parents try to control and socialize their children. Diana Baumrind, known in the field of Psychology for classic, empirically-supported research on parenting styles, found that parents tend to exhibit one of three parenting styles:1

  1. Authoritarian parenting is associated with high control, frequent use of punishment, and a general lack of consideration of child views. Rules are expected to be obeyed without question.
  2. Permissive parents are often unconditionally accepting of children’s behavior and tend to be lenient. They also tend to avoid confrontation.
  3. Authoritative parents are warm, involved, consistently enforce developmentally appropriate expectations, and favor reinforcement over punishment to control behavior.

Maccoby and Martin expanded on Baumrinds’ findings, and suggest a fourth parenting style identified as uninvolved or neglectful. These parents are neither directive, nor responsive, and instead tend to ignore their children.2

Although there is no one correct way to parent, research shows that children raised by authoritative parents fare better on virtually every indicator of psychological health than their peers who are raised by non-authoritative parents.3, 4 More

Do You Know Your Parenting Style? Take this online quiz.

Q: What is contingency management?

A: Contingency management refers to the strategic use of reinforcement or punishment to change or maintain the behavior of others. The basic principles of behavioral change are as follows:

  1. Provide reinforcement or incentives for behaviors that you want more of.

    2. Examples include:

    • More attention (e.g., interacting, noticing, commenting)
    • Praise (e.g., "Good job!" "I like that!")
    • Concrete rewards (e.g., favorite treat, book or toy)
    • Privileges (e.g., going to the zoo, a movie or having a friend over to play)
    • Removal of negatives (e.g., "If you keep up with your school work and keep your room clean this week, then you can be excused from yard work this weekend.")
  2. Provide punishment for behaviors you want less of.

    3. Examples include:

    • Time out
    • Critical feedback (e.g., "No," "I don’t like it when you do that")
    • Removal of privileges (e.g., television viewing, time with friends)
    • Ignoring or withdrawing attention (e.g., not responding or reacting to a child when he or she whining or throwing a tantrum)
    • Enforcing consequences (e.g., additional chores or homework assignment)

    Reinforcement and punishment must be applied in specific ways to be successful:

    • Reinforcement and punishment must be consistent. If you put a child in time-out for hitting another child, but your partner, a teacher, or other disciplinarian allows this type of behavior to go on without a time-out consequence, the hitting behavior will likely continue. Disciplinarians involved in a child’s life must apply the same rules consistently to help a child learn to make better behavioral choices.
    • Reinforcement and punishment must occur very quickly after the behavior has occurred. It is important to associate the specific behavior with a consequence. For instance, if a child throws a toy, they have a time out. If a teen completes all homework assignments for the week, they can watch television, etc. Delayed consequences are less powerful. Therefore, if you see a child throwing toys, for example, it is more effective to put him in time out right away than to delay a punishment. When using an incentive to reward positive behavior in young children, it should follow the behavior immediately (a few seconds). The reason behind this is that incentives delivered days or weeks later are no longer directly associated with the positive behavior. If you want to use a big incentive (for example, a bike for maintaining good grades for an entire semester or year), it’s important to provide check-in points, and/or provide ongoing praise and encouragement for the assignments and test scores received along the way—reminding the young person that their goal is within reach.
    • Reinforcement must be something that the child or adolescent actually wants. For instance, offering an adolescent a small amount of money is not likely to be a powerful reinforcement. Likewise, a punishment must be something a child actually wants to avoid. If you tell a teenager that she cannot watch television until she finishes her homework she may not care. However, she may become very upset if you take the cell phone away from her. It’s important to know what motivates the individual child.

Q: What is positive control, and why is it important?

A: Positive control refers to the use of reinforcement, as opposed to punishment to control behavior. Positive control is necessary because punishment alone is not successful over time. If you simply punish children for the behaviors you do not want to see, they are likely to reduce the frequency of punished behaviors, but only when they are around you. More desirable behavior will not automatically emerge unless you reinforce the desired behaviors. Look for opportunities to tell young people when they are on the right track, when you are pleased with how they handled a difficult situation or school assignment. When young people are not getting attention for good behavior, they will often find a way to get attention for other kinds of behavior. Parental response to bad behavior only often leads to more bad behavior, in an effort to maintain parental attention.

Q: I’ve tried contingency management techniques before, but these strategies do not seem to be sufficient for my older child or adolescent—what other strategies can I try?

A: For older children and teens, simple contingency management techniques may be insufficient on their own. Behavior problems in young people often improve when family members learn to negotiate and problem solve effectively with a young person. It is important to demonstrate respect, even if you do not agree with a young person’s point of view. An authoritarian approach (expecting rules to be obeyed without question, high control, frequent use of punishment, lack of discussion) is rarely the most effective way to obtain a teen’s cooperation. Demonstrating a desire to problem-solve is often a more effective way to reach an agreement and promote cooperation. More

Q: How do I tell if my child needs behavioral health treatment?

A: It’s not always easy to determine the difference between "normal" behavioral ups and downs versus a behavioral problem. Always consider your child’s developmental level (which is not the same thing as your child’s age), identify your expectations, recall how you were parented, and identify your parenting style. A good way to find out about how your child’s behavior compares to other children’s behavior is to ask a teacher. More

Only trained professionals, such as a pediatrician or mental health provider, can make a diagnosis. Consult with a provider if you have questions about your child or adolescent’s functioning.

Q: If my child or teenager misbehaves more than other children, is that a reflection of my parenting?

A: Using effective parenting strategies will greatly increase the chances that children and teens will comply with a parental request and/or rules. Occasional disobedience should not necessarily be interpreted as a sign of a behavioral problem. Children and teens are influenced by their peers, their siblings, behavior they see on television, etc. Just like adults, young people have different temperaments, and some young people exhibit more challenging behaviors than others.

Q: What if I’ve made parenting mistakes?

A: No parent is perfect. The good news is that children are fairly resilient. If you fail to enforce a rule now and again, life will go on and new opportunities will present themselves. It is important to try not to take your frustrations out on your child. If you do, apologize and move on. Learn what you can do to keep your cool when presented with parenting challenges. More

Q: What can I do to improve my parenting skills?

A: Usually parents seek professional help when their child is exhibiting a behavioral problem, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, school refusal, etc. Research suggests that parent training programs are effective for treating oppositional behavior in children.5, 6 Parent Management Training involves helping parents learning new skills for dealing with oppositional and defiant behavior. Parents learn to consistently apply consequences (e.g. rewards and punishment) and to promote positive behavior in their children. In general, behavior therapy is an effective treatment for many pediatric behavioral problems. Usually treatment involves teaching parents behavioral interventions that can be implemented at home.

Behavioral Interventions and Behavior Therapy

Although teachers are not mental health professionals, they have experience dealing with children and adolescents, and may be able to offer suggestions for managing behavioral problems. Also, teachers often play an important role in the treatment plan, as children and teens may also be exhibiting behavioral problems at school.

Q: How do I locate a professional if my child is exhibiting behavioral problems and I need help?

A: You can contact any of the following organizations, which have referral capabilities:

Q: Do I have to see a specialist in order to get help?

A: No. Parents and other caregivers can improve their parenting skills by incorporating a few simple tools into their daily routine. Check out the self-help tools offered on this site. If your child is exhibiting problem behavior and your doctor believes it is necessary to seek specialty care, they will be able to assist you to that next level of care. Sometimes family, friends, or clergy can be excellent sources of support when facing a behavioral change.

Q: Is parent training a covered TRICARE benefit?

A: When a primary behavioral health problem is a diagnosed mental disorder, e.g., depression or an anxiety disorder, treatment in support of the diagnosed mental disorder may be covered. Parenting training is not a covered TRICARE benefit when that is the primary problem that is the focus of treatment. TRICARE beneficiaries are eligible for eight behavioral health care visits per year without a referral or pre-authorization for covered behavioral health services. Active duty military personnel always need a referral for care outside a military treatment facility. More

References:

1Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development, 37, 887-907.

2Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family: Parent–child interaction. In P. H. Mussen (Ed.) & E. M. Hetherington (Vol. Ed.), Handbook of child psychology: Vol. 4. Socialization, personality, and social development (4th ed., pp. 1-101). New York: Wiley.

3Lamborn, S., Mounts, N., & Dornbusch, S. (1991). Patterns of competence and adjustment among adolescents from authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and neglectful families. Child Development, 62, 1049-1065.

4Steinberg, L. (2001). We know some things: Parent-adolescent relationships in retrospect and prospect. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 11(1), 1-19.

5Walter, H. I., & Gilmore, S. K. (1973). Placebo versus social learning effects in parent training procedures designed to alter the behavior of aggressive boys. Behavior Therapy, 4, 361-377.

6Wells, K. C., & Egan, J. (1988). Social learning and systems family therapy for childhood oppositional disorder: Comparative treatment outcome. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 29, 138-146.